Brooke Shields says she’s ‘amazed’ she survived her child star upbringing

Fame means selling out

Celebs have hustled brands since even before Marco Polo pushed spaghetti on us.

Gaga toasts Dom Pérignon. George Clooney is — pardon the expression — high on Casamigos tequila. James Corden, Keurig. Liev Schreiber snoozes on Mattress Firm. John Travolta and Zach Braff get greased for T-Mobile. J.K. Simmons? Farmers Insurance. For 50 Cent it’s Vitaminwater. Clint Eastwood — golf courses. Forget Will Smith — he has his own misery. Keanu Reeves pushes something but I forgot what.

Ryan Reynolds — something called Aviation American Gin. Whatever it is it keeps him up. Jimmie “J.J.” Walker calls Medicare “dy-no-mite.” Johnny Depp — Dior. Jennifer Aniston? Keen-o with Aveeno. Janelle Monáe drives an Audi. William Shatner did shtick with Priceline. Ashton Kutcher — technology stuff. Chrissy Teigen — food. Drew Barrymore’s Flower Home brand pushes towels, beds, sheets — and Drew Barrymore.

Matthew McConaughey is all right all right all right with Lincoln. Martha Stewart’s everywhere with everything. Snoop Dogg lights up with Bic lighters — and whoknowswhatelse. Julia Roberts’ brother Eric fattens up with American Standard’s something.

Eli Manning — Frank’s RedHot. Kate Hudson — athletic wear. Scarlett Johansson who sued for $20 million for one movie once did a popcorn shop. Our so-called vice president’s stepkid Ella Emhoff knits. At home. In Brooklyn. Maybe she could cable stitch a decent speech for her stepmom.

What else do they do?

Eli’s brother Peyton does Doritos. Elton John orders Uber Eats. Anna Kendrick? Rocket Mortgage. Ewan McGregor? Expedia. Idris Elba — Lindsay Lohan? Whothehell knows. She’s whoever/whatever/whichever. Her kinks work out at Planet Fitness — next to Dennis Rodman. Sandra Bullock? Restaurants. Sarah Jessica Parker — shoes. Tom Selleck — a California avocado farm. Kylie Jenner’s like crabgrass — there’s no place she’s not.

John Travolta, Zach Braff and Donald Faison in a commercial for T-Mobile.

John Travolta, Zach Braff and Donald Faison in a commercial for T-Mobile.T-Mobile via AP

So many side shticks. Carmen Electra makes — ready? — stripper poles. Kevin Costner? Ocean therapy. His thing is cleaning the ocean. Cleaning the ocean? Yeah. Cleaning the ocean. Atlantic or Pacific, this I don’t know. Shaquille O’Neal does car wash joints. Susan Sarandon? Ping-pong clubs. Ping-pong clubs? Yeah, ping-pong clubs. Karlie Kloss did a camp for young women.

A crate of names — Beyoncé, Cardi B, Zendaya, Selena Gomez, Rihanna, Ellen DeGeneres — push shmattas. Jessica Alba — baby wipes and diapers. When she finds time to remove her kindergarten lover, Madonna does something with or about books. Maybe she just reads to him. Gwyneth we know. Michael Strahan — swimwear.

Me, I plan to partner with chatbots. By Monday they’ll start writing this column.
Shields in a scene from the upcoming documentary “Pretty Baby: Brooke Shields."Shields in a scene from the upcoming documentary “Pretty Baby: Brooke Shields.”Courtesy of Sundance Institute via AP

Shield down

Child prostitute in films, in those days zippo between her and her Calvin Klein jeans zipper, and also on Time magazine’s cover, Brooke Shields now says “I’m amazed I survived. A model’s life is not a model for normal.”

Her “Pretty Baby: Brooke Shields” doc starts April 3 on Hulu.

Other than that, I think we should all go into the no-fault auto insurance game. This way, if anyone has an accident, they can call our Manhattan insurance company and instantly we tell them it isn’t their fault

Related Posts

Kanye West has teeth REMOVED and replaced with $850K TITANIUM dentures ‘more expensive than diamonds’ – as rapper compares himself to James Bond villain Jaws

Ye, formerly known as Kanye West, is apparently into heavy metal now. On Wednesday, Ye shared a picture on Instagram of what appeared to be metallic dentures….

Woman linked to Offset issues tearful apology to Cardi B: ‘I never meant to break up a happy home’

Summer Bunni says she has not “messed” with Offset since he and Cardi B’s daughter Kulture Kiari was born in tearful apology to the “Bodak Yellow” singer….

Offset begs Cardi B for head at 5 AM without brushing her teeth

Offset and Cardi B are never shy with sharing their love life. Watch this video below if you don’t understand what I mean! Cardi B and husband…

Offset and Cardi have a good time talking with fans together and do some fun things

Cardi B and ex-hubby Offset enjoy their time while talking with fans online. Watch it! Cardi B and husband Offset’s relationship has ended The “Bodak Yellow” rapper,…

Fans beg Cardi B not to get back to Offset as rapper once admitted she hasn’t had it for a long time

Cardi B continues to spark divorce rumors from husband Offset. On a recent Instagram Live, the “Bodak Yellow” artist talked about New Year’s resolutions and making the…

“Your gpa is below 2.0”, “Female LeBron”: Fans voice mixed reactions to Angel Reese’s lofty IG post

LSU Tigers superstar Angel Reese saw mixed reactions coming her way after he took to Instagram to post a lofty post. The 2023 NCAA champion has been…