Olympics Bans All Balls From Women’s Sports

LAUSANNE — In a landmark statement intended to simultaneously clarify lingering questions regarding trans athletes in events and prevent any potential confusion in the future, the International Olympic Committee announced that it was banning all balls from being used in women’s sports.
With debate raging over the legitimacy of allowing male athletes to compete in women’s events, the IOC reportedly decided to err on the side of caution by eliminating the use of balls of any kind in female competition.
“We’re not allowing any balls, just to be safe,” said IOC spokesperson Ingrid Hergenbergenmergen. “We have heard the outrage over men competing against women, and in the spirit of fair competition, we have chosen to go the extra mile and not allow the use of any balls in women’s events.”
Discussions were ongoing to determine how certain events, such as volleyball, basketball, water polo, and soccer, would be able to continue without the use of balls, but Olympic officials were confident that they could come up with something. “This is a perfect time to think outside the box,” Hergenbergenmergen said. “Simply because a sport has always involved balls doesn’t mean it always has to be that way. We simply feel that it’s best not to allow the use of balls in women’s sports, either in possession of the athletes themselves or in the field of play.”
At publishing time, the IOC announced that, in the absence of balls, women’s tennis would be scored by judges in a manner similar to that of interpretive dance.
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