Johnny Carson’s Most CHAOTIC Studio Moments That Went Too Far Live – Hww
What do you want TO DO NOW? I JUST WAIT TILL YOU’RE DONE. OH, THAT’S TOUGH. THAT’S TOUGH. That’s funny stuff. That’s funny stuff. very much. You have lost a little weight, seriously, haven’t you? Uh yes, I have lost some weight. Usually that happens before you’re going TO PASS AWAY. PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY, “HE LOOKS SO GOOD.
HE WAS THIN. HE went like that.” How do you like that? Sorry I brought it up. Sorry I brought it up. Yeah. Carson simply asks Rodney a perfectly normal question about looking thinner. 30 seconds later, Johnny already regrets bringing it up. That was what made The Tonight Show dangerous in the best possible way.
Carson could prepare the questions, but he never knew how far his guests would take them. Rickles, Robin Williams, Rodney Dangerfield, Jim Carrey. You know, comics are sitting there, “Oh, yeah. You asked me over.” Once one person went off the rails, the whole studio could follow. And these were the times things went the furthest.
If you remember when late night was genuinely unpredictable, like and subscribe, then watch Carson try to hold this room together. One. Don Rickles wrecks Sinatra’s interview. I grew up with you, listened to your music in high school and so forth. Just occurred to me, crazy thought this afternoon.
When you’re in a romantic mood, and you’re trying to make out, whose records do you put on? [applause] I SPENT A LOT OF NICE EVENINGS LISTENING TO YOUR MUSIC, and I just wondered, I said, “I wonder who Frank listens to?” Oh, I play Jerry Vale or some of those. [cheering] Uh I uh Interesting concept.
Yes, it is. But but I can answer that by telling you that uh in those lovely moments, uh I play uh Daphnis and Chloe, or the uh Sunken Cathedral, the Engulfed Cathedral, that kind of classic jazz. I don’t fool around with all that other stuff. Because uh Hey, look, I know you’re going to do another number with the band, cuz I know you got a recording session tonight, and uh really I’m going to have Carson starts things off gently, almost like he’s genuinely curious.
And that polite atmosphere is exactly what makes Rickles’ entrance feel like someone just kicked the studio door open. [applause] [cheering] [applause] Hey, you look good, Don. Well, that’s it for me. Why don’t you guys get with the band? Hey, Frank, it’s good to see you. Uh I I I just I just was hanging around in the hall, and I I said, “Frank Sinatra’s here.
” And I’ve never met him, you know. Never mind. And I get the chance us, won’t you? Certainly, certainly. Marco Manganozzo was hurt. Rickles shows up as if this isn’t a talk show at all, but the hallway of an old friend’s house. Within just a few lines, he has already pulled Carson out of the driver’s seat.
Bambino Bombazzo, two bullets in the head Thursday. Now, this this you don’t believe. Excuse us, Johnny. You’re You’re from the Midwest. You’re busy going, “IS THE TRUCK LOADED?” GUIDO SAYS HI. HE hasn’t had a chance to talk to you. And from Jersey City, your good friend Bubani Umbazzo. What’s his name? his car.
He started his car with your album on, and now he’s a highway. Rickles keeps throwing more characters into the room, while Carson stands in the middle like the only guy who never got the script. The chaos feels completely alive, completely live. Uh that’s funny. [applause] But I’ll tell you, I am a Jew and you’re an Italian and here we have what? This is a great Irishman.
This is America. That’s true. And that’s why I just want to say before we go any further, for 14 years Johnny Carson kept saying, “Do you really know Frank?” And I want you to know Frank, I worship you and I love you. I really mean this because since I’m a kid, I used to blow in girls’ ears and here you go, Lara da da da da da do it my way.
I need a girl so bad. A Jewish man, an Italian, and an Irishman sitting on the same stage. Underneath the laughter, there’s something genuinely warm about it. Rickles is wrecking the show while somehow pulling the whole room closer together. But you just got married, Frank.
I just can’t picture him on the wedding night standing in the room going, And did it all AND I [screaming] SUPPOSE IT’S MY WAY. [applause] AND BARBARA BARBARA IS RIGHT WITH GOING, “FRANK, when you get a minute, God bless you. He just got married. Hey.” This is Rickles at his most dangerous. He genuinely respects Sinatra, but he refuses to let that respect make him behave.
Late night back then had moments when even Carson could do nothing but let the bomb go off. This is the most exciting night in the years that I’ve known Johnny Carson. He started me on this show. This is the most exciting night and I I I so help me, it’s a great night. He was even nervous cuz he came to me and said, And I said, You are a powerhouse and Frank, After several minutes of chaos, Rickles suddenly lets you see just how happy he is to be there.
That shift makes the whole thing feel like more than comedy. It feels like a night between people who genuinely care about each other. Good night. Listen, can I tell a story about what this man did to me once? You may have known or heard about this. It was a true story. This is a long time ago, long before Don got married.
I was eating dinner at a restaurant in New York. And uh uh I was with with some friends and he came over to the table and he said, “Frank, do me a favor.” He said, “I’m sitting with a very pretty girl and uh I’m trying to make out, you know?” And he said, “I told her I know you and she really doesn’t believe me. Would you stop by the table?” I said, “All right.” I was just about finished.
I was down to the espresso. When Sinatra finally takes the stage back, it feels like an old friend finally getting his chance to tell on Rickles. A very Carson era ending. Nobody wins, but everybody in the room walks away with a story. Two, Robin Williams meets the one guy even wilder than him. How long ago? When you were doing Mork & Mindy, how long ago was that? 10 or 12 years? About 10.
And Jonathan came on and did how many episodes with you? I was about 20 of them. Some of the funniest episodes ever done on television. We used to run out of film. It was like kind of like those war movies where the machine gun goes, “THERE’S NO MORE AMMO!” YEAH.
He’s He’s been a friend of yours and mine for many years. scare people. It was one He’s on his own show called Davis Rules with uh Randy Quaid, which is on the air later this fall. Would you welcome Mr. Jonathan Winters! Just a few memories of Mork & Mindy are enough to take you back to a time when television still let minds like Robin and Jonathan run free.
It feels like the cameras simply turned on and did their best to keep up. We lost the fort. The Indians were sober. We were drunk this time. Well, great to be here. Nice to see you. My god. Nice to be here. How goes the battle? Well, uh pretty good so far.
Um made it across into Van Nuys. This kind of entrance has almost disappeared from late night television. Jonathan walks out and instantly the room feels like nobody knows where the next minute is going. Uh gosh, I was so taken with this guy. I was when I first uh first met him and on Mork & Mindy we we did we we had a marvelous time.
Those were good days. You had access to more medication IN THOSE YEAH, SOME OF THE SHOWS WERE REAL QUICK. I noticed the stuff wore off tonight. But I’m assuming being college funded. Mr. Williams didn’t know you in the days of when you and I Oh, when we were on the sauce.
Yeah, when we were having a little Well, yeah, we had Johnny and I uh Can we have those locked for you? We I’m sorry. Could we have those cleaned and clean for you? It was easy getting them on. And now, here I’ll Do you want to play with those? Oh, yeah. This way I I won’t have so much guilt.
You rarely see Robin Williams look like he’s sitting next to someone who speaks exactly the same language he does. A few exchanges between them and an entire era of Mork & Mindy suddenly feels alive again on Carson’s couch. Oh, yeah. Before we uh General, what is your official title? Are you a general or just a general? General, I like to be a general.
I was a corporal and I’d rather be a general tonight. Um I I want to congratulate Actually, I feel important. Yes, I want to congratulate you, General, on winning uh the Emmy Well, thank you. for David’s Rules, best supporting actor. [cheering] [applause] Well, it’s uh I must tell you briefly about it.
I know our time is limited here, but Not really. Uh I really really didn’t think that I was going to win and otherwise I would have been there and uh I turned to my my wife of many years and I said, “What do you think, sweetheart?” And she said, “You don’t stand a chance.” And uh So It’s that kind of support that’s kept you together, hasn’t it? That makes one want to return to, you know, the saving lotion.
Jonathan had a strange gift. The bigger the moment, the more casually he could talk about it. He came from an era of stars who never needed to remind the audience that they were legends. No, she just said, “Look look look at the competition.” And it was just, you know, Durning, my god, this guy from Evening Shade, and then of course Cheers and all this.
They’ve been on many many years. And I thought, “Well, what what do we do?” And fortunately, we we had a thrilling evening. And that isn’t a put down because I know uh the guy that through the evening is uh hopefully listening. Um we had um we had a choice one choice of going to a fellow’s house to have ribs. And uh thought I’d say his, you know, no no.
Um but we had they were marvelous ribs and all that stuff. And uh that and then we sat down and watched there about 12 or 14 of us and then they announced it. And I saw the picture of myself a still. And uh they just no explanation, “No, where is he?” You know, they can say a lot of things. And uh I was in just a a house with a lot of other people who were on ribs.
So um but it was a big thrill. I asked and then the following day I said, “Where is the award?” That’s right. And uh somebody said, “Well, since you weren’t there, you don’t get it.” Was that your wife again? No red carpet. No perfect speech. Just a house. A few friends. And an award somewhere in the background.
Stories like this make Hollywood in the Carson years feel strangely close. No. How is the missus, by the way? She’s fine. Good. She’s fine. She looks better than ever. And there’s Oh, of course I Come on, we’re not kids anymore, John, you know. And but she’s not bedridden and uh She’s not around the house anymore.
No, that’s right. No, no. She’s very active. But the romance is still there. But you’ve got to stay up all night, you know, to keep her active. And A lot of you know A lot of things she’d say, you know, I come at her and and play these ridiculous games. I’m sure he plays the same thing. And um Do you wear the uniform when you Sometimes, yeah.
Nothing wrong with that. Just the cape, no pants. That’s right. That’s right. And Do you reenact battle scenes, I suppose? I uh Many times she’ll say things like, I don’t know what she means by that. Don’t you have a ball game to watch? Jonathan was older, but his mind still refused to act its age.
Carson simply let him go, and the studio started to feel like a late-night conversation between friends who had known each other forever. I don’t know right right right. Now, how do you how do you deal with going down doing the show? You know, you You say you’re not as young as you used to be.
A lot of stress doing the show? Yeah, there is a lot of stress. Um Do you take your painting materials down there? Oh, no, there’s not that time. Uh usually I just get the legs begin to go. I was talking to an athlete the other day, a professional. He told me it was It was on a bus and everything. You had no way of knowing it. Had no way of knowing it.
I knew he was on a bus. He was in trouble. So uh He said he played with the Washington Redskins and he said, “You know the first thing to go, John?” Talked very fast. And uh he was trying to get off. He couldn’t get off the bus. Legs were really gone. And uh So somebody just dragged him off and faced him again. But um any rate, uh he said the first thing to go are the legs.
And I find that at 6’5″, you’re on these hard floors, um legs go. They really go. The mind, of course, say that was gone a long time ago. Don’t worry about There’s something both funny and strangely beautiful about hearing Jonathan joke about getting older. Time had clearly passed. But the thing that made him Jonathan Winters was still completely intact.
You get back to Ohio often? Oh, I haven’t been back for for a long time. [cheering] [applause] BACK TO OHIO. WELL, I’m sorry about the Reds. Can’t throw baseballs at those guys and hurt them, you know, and do that. Um anyway, um No, I I get back every once in a while. There’s always a guy with a toothpick, you know, and I How you How you doing, Johnny? Very good to see you.
How you doing out there? We don’t see you. We don’t get what you do here. What do you got, anything? Not a lot. You see The only thing in in my section of Ohio, the river’s dried up. Fish are just there in the dust. They’re good eating, though. All right, you get YOURSELF SOME TROUT JERKY.
It’s like a chicken, you know, if you If you hit a chicken in the road, we used to just throw it in the back and not pick it up. Get yourself some Tennessee pizza. By the end, it almost doesn’t matter where the conversation is going anymore. Jonathan, Robin, and Carson just let it wander. And that freedom is exactly why old late-night television can still feel so alive.
Three. Jim Carrey turns Carson’s couch into a cartoon. You know, I had forgotten, I just mentioned your your first time on the show on American television was 1983. And somebody said and you didn’t come over afterwards. No, I was devastated by that. And somebody said you were devastated because I guess that was a sign of Well, every comic, you know, they dream on couches all across America.
People are you know, comics are sitting there. Oh, yeah. You asked me over. Woo! So, after you finished your stand-up Yeah. he gave me one of these Yeah. and I went straight to the bathtub. Yeah. Some Some comedian actually told me once he didn’t even give me one of these. When he walked off the stage, he didn’t give me a There was no reason that you didn’t come over because the show runs long or something.
So, anyway, you’re here now. I’m here now. There’s something very old-school show business about this moment. A young comedian once sat there hoping Carson would invite him over. Then returned years later when the whole country was starting to know his name. The couch was still the same. Jim Carrey was anything but. I’m here now.
Third year living color already? Yeah, third year. Uh it’s getting pretty wild, actually. Now people are starting to follow me around and stuff. It’s You have a wide range of things you do. You have a You’re pliable. You’re You’re You You’re You’re facial You’re You’re about like 160 lb of silly putty the way you You move around.
Did you start as a kid like we all did in school? Yeah. Yeah, I just Yeah, I was just I control in the classroom, basically. Well, there was one teacher though that learned to harness it. And uh she She had a great idea, which was uh well, if you if you if you’re cool, you know, if once you finish your stuff, if you don’t bother everybody, I’ll give you 15 minutes at the end of the end of the end of the school day.
So, I just kind of finish my work first and gear up for my set. I’d write in my monologue. And would actually get up and do it? Yeah. Yeah. Hearing Jim remember school makes it clear that Hollywood didn’t create that energy. It had been there all along. Just waiting for a room big enough to hold it. [applause] I’d have to get up momentarily for this.
get up or yeah, get up momentarily stand here later or whatever. Okay. Uh see if you recognize this. It’s my impression of Wile E. Coyote walking away from a bad fall. [cheering] This is where the interview chair almost becomes unnecessary. Jim stands up and the Tonight Show suddenly feels like a cartoon has climbed right out of the screen.
Where does the Where does the Where does the mind go to come up with something like people like I just It’s sometimes it’s things I see, sometimes it’s, you know, people I meet. I just click into little things about them that uh that I’m interested in. Like I saw the movie Poltergeist and since it’s Halloween, you know, I I I do a little bit of a Could I Could I get some eerie music, Doc? You certainly can from this band, yeah.
This is a scene from Poltergeist. [applause] Jim had a way of making the studio feel much smaller than his energy. Carson steps back, the band plays along, and for a few minutes the show almost completely belongs to the guest’s imagination. You got anything else in your repertoire you want to try out? Oh, jeez.
Well, I have a really mean Kevin Bacon impression, but I can’t I don’t know if we should do THAT OR NOT. [cheering] OKAY. COUNT IT’S NOT MY FAULT, MAN. OKAY, I’ll try. That’s right. They push you. They goad you into They did it. They did it. Okay, here we go. This may take a while. [cheering] [applause] KEVIN BACON IS BATMAN.
COOL. COOL. THAT WAS COOL. I KNOW. YEAH, it’s cool. [applause] Oh. [cheering] Deeply disturbed person. This is Jim Carrey before Hollywood had fully figured out what to do with him. Everything is still raw, raw, strange, a little too much, and that’s exactly why it has so much electricity.
You know, everybody works so hard in this business to get recognized. And then one of the things that happens when you get recognized, you all you all of a sudden you want the anonymity to be able to hide out. Yeah, sure. That bother you? Do you like it now? Do you like the attention you get? Oh, I like it.
I like it a lot of the time, but sometimes it gets a little weird. Like I’ll take, you know, my wife and little girl out to, you know, for some to shopping in the mall and uh you know, kids will start to gather and say, “Do the so-and-so.” Yeah, do that. Do that face you do, man. NO, COME ON, MAN.
HEY GUYS, LOOK AT THIS. DO THE THE THING YOU YOU KNOW, THE FACE THAT MAKES EVERYONE WANT TO THROW UP. COME ON, MAN. AND THEN AND THEN IF YOU don’t do it, you say, “Well, I’m out with my family. I don’t want to create a lot of attention. I don’t want to divert attention on us. And uh you know, they’ll they’ll begin with the guilt trip then.
They’ll go, “Oh, wow.” After all the transformations, the story suddenly gets smaller. Success had arrived, but Jim was already learning what it felt like to have his television persona follow him even when he just wanted to be a normal husband and father. How is How is your child? She’s 4 years old. understand your father, the silliness that you do? She does, oddly enough.
Yeah. Well, she’s a total ham. Oh, she’ll be sitting at home going, “Why couldn’t I go?” You know? Watching this tonight. Yeah, sure. So, you have the one the one child? Yeah. Yeah, little 4-year-old girl, and she’s, you know, I’m terrified basically of the whole school thing is really terrifying to me.
I’ve been, you know, I I put her in preschool. Yeah, she’s been in there for a year and a half, actually. And she never comes home, which is great. No, but I’ve had her in there, you know, and uh I I’m still terrified. It’s like it’s like a a nightmare of uh you know, Lord of the Flies or something.
You know, we teach her stuff and we’re afraid that she’s going to be be untaught. Fathers have that relationship, especially more with with with little girls than Yeah, but it’s it’s like, you know, we taught her I don’t know why we taught her this, but we taught her to say “TT”, you know, as a bodily function. Yeah. You know, and and you know, now I’m having this nightmare that she’s going to go to school and she’ll be like surrounded with kids and they’ll be going Well, what we’ve got here No, mate.
Looks like it’s time for a little initiation. GRAB THE TEDDY BEAR. YOU KNOW, AND THEN THEY’LL GO, “NOW, That was also something Carson did incredibly well. Letting someone who had just blown up the studio suddenly become human again for a few seconds. Behind the rubber face was still just a dad worried about his daughter growing up.
Or three animal stories blow up the studio. I’ve been hornswoggled, folks. Yeah. Oh, it’s nothing to get excited about. Anyway, I’m going to tell you three story animal stories. Animal stories, all right. Yeah, okay. The first one is a guy is driving a car and he’s going about 40 mile an hour and he looks out and there’s a chicken running alongside the car.
And he looks he don’t believe a chicken and he goes a little faster and he looks the chicken got three legs. See, now he hits 55. He don’t go more cuz they hadn’t passed the law yet that certain places you can go 65. 55 the chicken shoots in front of him shoots in front of THE CAR RUNS UP AN ALLEY. THIS IS ALSO farmer stories.
Yeah. Yeah. He runs up the alley. Guy turns around goes up the alley farmer standing with a bib overalls. Can I help you? He says, “Yeah, a chicken with three legs was going so fast that he passed my car run up in your alley.” He says, “I know that. That’s my chicken. I raise three-legged chickens.
” He says, “Why?” He says, “Do you like a drumstick?” I do. Does your wife like a drumstick? She does. Well, perhaps you have A GUEST. MAYBE ED COMES OVER AND LIKES YOUR DRUMSTICK. GEE, I never thought of that. How do they taste? He says, we don’t know. We never caught one. These jokes move at a very different pace from comedy today.
No rush. No fear that the audience will leave. Just a slow walk into an increasingly ridiculous world. And the Carson era audience was willing to sit there and wait for it to explode. Now, we don’t know. [applause] A woman from the city goes to the country and she’s at a farm. This is animal story. I understand that.
With a farmer thrown in. Okay, got it. Okay. And she says to the farmer, what uh why doesn’t that cow have any horns? He says, ma’am, there are many reasons why a cow don’t have horns. Now, some are hornless breed like Angus, they’re hornless breed. Some, they get old, we’ve been milking them and after a while they get sensitive to the touch and they don’t like it and their horns, they can be a little rambunctious.
We cut the horns off, it’s no pain to the animal. And some when they’re just calves, we don’t want them to have horns and we put a few drops of acid where the horns would form and there are no horns. But, the reason that that cow don’t have any horns is because it’s a horse. There’s a very old-fashioned pleasure in watching someone keep a completely straight face while the whole studio knows it’s being led into a trap.
Those pauses used to be part of late night, not something that had to be edited out. [applause] See that had an animal and a farm. Very good. A com- combination joke. Okay, this guy is hunting for ducks. He’s not the farmer and he’s not the an- the duck is the animal. All right. Shoots a duck. The duck falls.
A lot of you people want to conserve ducks and you’re worried this is it’s only a joke, the duck really die. And you conservationist, I’m sure you’re all pure vegetarian and don’t eat meat or anything like that, and you’re so worried I hope a butterfly flies up your nose and you choke to death. SO NOW [applause] THIS is where the setup starts fighting against itself.
A simple story keeps opening new side roads and roads and the room has no choice but to follow. Exactly the kind of chaos that can’t be written too neatly on paper. A laser cartoon right in your brain and you I can’t think of anything but webbing. So Now this guy shoots a duck and it falls and hits a barn and goes into a guy’s yard.
So this guy gets and he climbs over the fence and he goes into the yard and he’s trying to get this duck and this farmer come out, big guy, bigger than the guy with the chickens. He said, “What are you doing in my yard?” He said, “I come to get the duck.” He said, “That’s my duck.” He said, “It’s not your duck.
” He said, “This is my yard, that duck fell, hit my barn.” Laying there, he said, “Yes, but it’s it’s not your duck, I shot the duck. I’ve been out hunting for a couple days, so just give me a break, you know, I’m from the city.” “You’re from the city? Well, you don’t understand about property, do you? It’s my property, it’s my duck.
However, I’ll give you a chance at the duck. We can settle this country style.” He said, “This country style?” He said, “Yeah.” “Well, how do you how do you settle it country style?” He said, “How? I kick you in the groin.” The guy said, “And then you kick me in the groin and we take turns kicking each other in the groin.
Whose’ever left keeps the duck.” The guy said, “Well, if that’s what I got to do.” The farmer says, “I go first.” And he HOLDS OFF QUACK! AND THE GUY GO, [screaming] [screaming] [cheering] HA. ABOUT HALF HOUR HAS PASSED. And he SAYS TO THE FARMER, “WELL, WELL, I GUESS IT’S MY TURN.
” And the farmer says, “Oh, you can have the duck.” Today, a producer probably would have given the cut signal a long time ago. Here, the story is allowed to keep going, getting more dangerous the longer it lasts, until the entire studio is basically being held hostage for the ending. That is FIRST TIME I EVER SEE A DUCK THAT IS HAVE A DRINK.
That is God, it’s a funny story. Jesus. You can have the duck. Yeah, and look at this. Oh, yeah, all over. It’s so nice. I WENT OUT AND GOT A NEW SUIT. Wasn’t it worth it? Wasn’t it worth it for that laugh? No, yeah. Oh, come on now. It’s not worth it. You know Oh. They charge to clean a suit now? A lot more than you pay for this show out there.
Sometimes the most memorable part isn’t the story, but the few seconds after it, when everyone is still laughing, the storyteller still refuses to stop, and the show has to pick itself up and keep moving. Five, Rodney Dangerfield fires jokes faster than Carson can breathe. What a crowd.
What a crowd. tell you that. Thank [cheering] you very much. You’re all right, I need that, you know. [applause] Now, you know me, I love crowds. I mean, when I was a kid, my house was always crowded. Always people around, you know, I come from a big old-fashioned, hard-working, stupid family. That’s what I come from. What a dumb family I got.
Are you kidding? I looked up my family tree, I found out I’m the sap. My old man, he was dumb, too. My old man, he worked in a bank, they caught him stealing pens. Rodney doesn’t need a warm up. He walks out like life has already beaten him before the show even started. Then, turns his entire family into fuel.
Carson just opens the door and lets the storm of jokes come through. Something, you know? Uh, my doctor told my wife and I we should enjoy sex every night. Now, we’ll never see EACH OTHER. [applause] I MEAN, I LOVE MY WIFE. I GO FOR HER, THE TROUBLE IS SHE don’t go for me. My wife makes love to me, there’s always a reason for it.
You know, one night she used me to time an egg. [applause] And my wife, she keeps me broke, too. It cost me $2,000 for her nose job. I’m sorry I punched her. WITH RODNEY, EVEN home is never a safe place. The world he builds is always working against him, and Carson’s audience already knows that the second he mentions his wife, trouble is coming.
Now, I’ll tell you nothing goes right, you know? Well, yesterday was a beauty. I asked a cab driver, “Where can I get some action?” He took me to my house. [applause] Uh, there’s a lot of things go on around my house. Well, the other night, in front of my house, I saw a guy jogging naked.
And I said to him, “How come?” He said, “Cuz you came home early.” Rodney can turn one tiny detail into an entire lifetime of betrayal. Every time he seems to hit bottom bottom, another door opens to a floor even lower. I got a kid home, he’s getting worse. I got a real mean kid, you know. Well, he Scotch tapes worms to the sidewalk then watches the birds get hernias.
Well, my neighborhood, that’s getting worse, too. I live in a tough neighborhood, you know. My neighborhood, you see guys bowling overhand. What a neighborhood. Well, last week they put some new sidewalk in front of my building. I remember when I was a kid, I put my hand print in the wet cement.
I figured I’d do it again. I’ll tell you, it’s a weird feeling put your hand in cement and you feel another hand. This is New York through Rodney’s brain. Kids, neighbors, concrete, everything can turn around and attack him. It feels like a dark sitcom running at stand-up speed. Well, I tell you, my neighborhood don’t have no respect either, no respect at all.
You kidding? No respect from anybody. That’s the way it works out. Well, I bought some rat poison. The girl asked me, “Should I wrap it up? You going to eat it here?” [applause] I mean, the girls always gave me a hard time. I’m not a ladies’ man, that’s why. You kidding? I know I’m ugly. I stuck my head out the window, GOT ARRESTED FOR MOONING.
[applause] WELL, MY FOURTH GRADE CHILD SAW MY PICTURE, NOW he sends me $10 a month. And I was an ugly kid, too. I worked in a pet store, the people kept asking how big I’d get. By this point, no respect isn’t just a catchphrase anymore. It’s the law of physics in Rodney’s world world.
Step outside, walk into a store, look in a mirror, and the universe finds is way to knock him down. I’d be in danger if you have the whole month of June. You got to keep busy all the time, keep working, you know. And I relax, too, you know. Yeah. The other night I relaxed, I went to a wild party. Did you? Tell us about it.
Yeah. Well, I played a new version of Russian roulette. Yeah, we passed around six girls, and one of THEM HAD VD. [cheering] NO, YOU GOT TO RELAX, JOHNNY. I TRAVEL, TOO. I’VE BEEN IN EUROPE, you know. Oh, really? I was in England. English people are weird, you know. I told the cab driver I’d like to see the queen.
He told me later on he’ll meet me for a drink. [applause] Weird people over there. Yeah, and drinking, that’s my big problem, oh, I’m a bad drinker. Oh, yeah, yeah. The other night in Vegas I got loaded, Johnny. I shot dice, I lost a thousand bucks. I got even though, I stole 400 Sweet’n Lows, you know. No, I’m a bad drinker, bad drinker, Johnny.
I mean, when I drink, I don’t know what I’m doing. Yeah. Then the next day and I end up usually wake up in some strange place with a kid with an accent playing with my feet. A lot of comedians finish the set when they sit down next to Carson. Rodney brings the set with him. The interview chair just becomes a smaller stage, and Carson becomes the only guy quick enough to throw the ball back.
No, I tell you with me eating has replaced sex completely. In fact, I had a mirror put in over MY KITCHEN TABLE. BUT THE OTHER NIGHT I WAS EMBARRASSED. WHILE I WAS EATING, my kid walked in. I grabbed my napkin, I covered my main dish, you know. No, I tell you with me, Johnny, I’m the kind of guy like certain times I like sex, you know, like after a cigarette.
No, my wife is different. After we have sex, she never wants a cigarette. She says one drag is enough, you know. YOU KNOW WHAT [applause] UH MY WIFE THE OLDER Rodney gets, the less he avoids the things people are supposed to say quietly. That lack of shame is part of what makes late night from this era feel more dangerous.
You really don’t know how far the next line will be allowed to go. I got all kinds of problems, Johnny. My daughter got pregnant from eating chicken. Yeah, it was finger licking good and one thing led to another, you know. That was crazy. [applause] The way kids carry on today it’s awful, awful, Johnny, awful.
In fact, I was talking to my friend the doctor. Doctor Vinnie Boombalz, How is the doctor? he’s fine, he’s fine, he’s fine. How is the doctor? He’s fine. He told me last week in his office he got six case of VD. I mean, he’s all right now. Oh, he’s a strange doctor, you know. No matter where it hurt you, he wants to kiss it make it better.
Yeah, after he checked me for hernia, I had to change my phone number. Weird doctor. Oh, well, I tell you, Johnny, life isn’t easy, not easy life, you know. It’s a tough life. Today’s been a terrible day, too. Has it really? Got up this morning, picked up my shirt, a button fell off.
Picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off. Now, I’m afraid to go to the bathroom. [applause] By the end, there’s almost nothing left in Rodney’s life that he hasn’t smashed for material. And somehow, somehow the more pathetic he makes himself, the more the entire studio seems to love him. Six, Drew Barrymore makes Carson forget the scripts.
BARRYMORE. [cheering] [music and screaming] [cheering and screaming] WELL, [applause] THAT’S A PRETTY FUNNY ENTRANCE. Did you rehearse Did you rehearse that? No. Are you okay? I Yeah. You know, you’re not the first one ever to do that on the show. We’ve had some other people have come in there some night.
Grown-up people who’ve who’ve missed that step and fallen right here. It’s probably my shoes because they’re real slippery. Are they Are they brand new shoes? No. A 7-year-old walks onto the biggest show in America and immediately makes an entrance no rehearsal could have planned. Carson doesn’t try to fix the moment.
He simply lets that naturalness live. Nice to meet you, too. I’ve been waiting all my life to meet you and I finally did. Of your whole life? [applause] It’s a miracle. It’s a miracle. Well, that’s why I stayed on the show an extra 7 years just so you you would show up here.
Well, I wanted to meet you, too, because I’ve been reading all about you and you’re you’re a lovely young actress. Thank you. Yeah. You look very nice. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know I stay up till a couple of hours to watch your show? Do you really? Just because of you. You’re kidding. No. Oh, come on now.
Are you serious? Mhm. Do you understand all of the all of the jokes? Uh some of them. Well, you fit right in. [applause] There’s something incredibly sweet about two generations of television sitting across from each other like this. Carson is already an institution, while Drew is still young enough to talk to him like someone she watches at home every night.
Yes, I know what Drew it’s in. Yeah. You’re You’re pretty smart. You have pretty teeth. Thank you. Yeah, pretty nice. Tell me if you noticed this. It would be kind of easier to talk without my teeth. What are you talking about? [applause] Let me see those now.
Give me a little smile. They’re really growing, aren’t they? So, you wear this when you do Uh, TV shows, yes. Well, at least you’re honest. Now, most women I know would not do that. They wouldn’t like anybody to know that secret that you were wearing a little little clip in there, but you won’t have to wear that much longer, will you? flipper Yeah, that’s just so your teeth kind of line up and Yeah, but they kill.
Yeah? Doesn’t feel very good? No, they don’t. This is the kind of chaos only a child can create. No calculation, no idea what image means, and no concern that the cameras are rolling. Carson just laughs and lets the moment turn itself into history. Now, don’t forget that when you leave now. That’s not polite to leave teeth on somebody else’s desk now. Over.
My mom would kill me if I left them here. Your mom would kill you? Yeah, she was about to when I when I lost them the other day. Yeah. Yeah, does your dentist Your dentist obviously made those for you? Yeah, Dr. Smith. Dr. Smith? He’s a real good dentist. Good dentist? He made my retainer, too. It’s purple.
Yeah? Do you like Do you like going to the dentist? Of course. Are you serious? You’re the first person I’ve ever met who likes to go to the dentist. Yeah, I like getting my teeth cleaned and have that yucky stuff in your mouth. Tastes good. Tastes good, huh? Yeah. Yeah. You know, you know why I like going to the dentist? Why? Guess.
Okay. Carson had an incredible ability not to talk to Drew like a child star. He simply follows whatever road she opens. And that’s why the conversation feels so unusually real. [applause] I may end up running off with you myself, you know. That’s what Steven says. Steven It’s Steven Spielberg? Yeah.
Yeah. He’s he’s he’s good director, isn’t he? Yeah. Yeah. How did you get the part? Didn’t you have to go in and and and and test for this? Well, first he interviewed me for Poltergeist. Poltergeist, mhm. And um actually, I didn’t want to do that movie cuz it was kind of kind of scary. It’s too scary.
And probably if I went in and and I said, “Excuse me, but it’s my film.” Probably say, “Isn’t too scary for you to be in?” Yeah. So, he interviewed me and he said, “Um well, she has too much personality.” So, she said So, he said So, he said, “We’re going to interview We’re I’m going to make a movie and it’s going to be E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial.
” And um And she’s And she said And Kathy Kenn And Kathy Kennedy said, “Wait a minute. Don’t you have to interview?” And she goes, “That’s one good reason.” And so, he’s And so, first he interviewed me see if I could be in awe of something. In awe? And whatever it’s called. Like Like Okay, so In wonderment, in awe, right, Kathy? Yeah.
Like, “Oh my god, the ceiling’s crashing and all [applause and cheering] Any interview suddenly becomes a second audition simply because Drew feels like playing. The line between interview and playtime disappears. The studio just becomes a room. That’s good. That’s That’s awe. That’s awe. test me to uh scream.
Can you scream good? Okay. Can you Can you do it just Give Give me a scream. Okay. Just Guys, ready? Okay, we’re ready. [applause] [applause] If you do that with your teeth in, they’d be over there about 40 ft away. Cuz you did have to scream in the picture, didn’t you? That’s a good scream.
Yeah. Have you always been able to do that? Yeah. Yeah. But it was quite hard at the time. I had a sore throat. throat and you screamed in But you know what? What? I said, “Steven, I’m going to try my best.” So I practiced so much at home that I was able to do it. Mhm. So Nothing needs to be added to the chaos here.
A 7-year-old, one enormous scream, and the studio’s real reaction are enough to remind you why live television always carried a little bit of lovable danger. Yeah. Can I say hi to Steven? Sure, you want to say hi to Steven? Yeah. Sure. Hi, Steven. I love you. [applause] [applause] Second best again.
Story of my life with women, yeah. Are you going to do another motion picture? I’m hoping. You hope so, huh? I shouldn’t tell you this, but I think there’s going to be a a sequel. You shouldn’t Are you telling something? You weren’t supposed to tell me? Well, I can tell you. [applause] I’ll keep it just between us, then.
That’s fine with me. That’s fine with you. There may be a sequel to ET, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Would you think if there is, you might be in it? Kids don’t understand PR strategy. And luckily for us, Drew didn’t either. Carson hears a sick slip out on the air with the exact expression of a man who knows he’s just been handed a free gift.
No, I didn’t know that. Okay, can I sing it to you? Well, you sure can. It’s about your face. About my face? Okay. You got the You got the cutest little baby face. It is so cute, no one can take your place. Baby face, baby face, baby baby face. That’s all. [applause] THANK YOU. [applause] DO YOU KNOW IT’S NO WOMAN HAS EVER sung to me before with her teeth out.
Do you know it’s true? What’s true? You do got the cutest little baby face. You think so, huh? You deserve that song. Well, that’s very nice. And I like you, too. Thank you. And I wish you much success, and would you like to come back and be on the show again sometime? I’d love to.
Well, you’ve got an invitation anytime you want to. Okay? I want to thank you for coming. [applause] Okay? By the end, the show barely feels like a movie promotion anymore. It’s just Johnny Carson and a 7-year-old girl, too natural to realize she’s creating one of the sweetest memories that couch ever had.
Seven, Tim Conway shows up after 15 years and wrecks the show. Let me tell you why Tim Conway’s funny man. He thinks funny. He He does funny things. About a couple of months ago, we showed a movie at the house, Joanna and I, and we had I think Harvey Korman was there and two other people. And we invited Tim Conway.
And uh Tim said he had to come a little late. So, we’re having dinner in the dining room and the doorbell rings. And the gentleman we have working for us at home, as you know, Eugene answered the door and came back and said the projectionist is here. I said, “Fine.” And we went on eating. Now, what had happened and 10 minutes had passed and we figured regular fellow who comes to run the picture has gone to the projection booth.
So, we sit there and about 10 minutes later Tim It was Tim Conway who had come and Tim simply said, and Gene didn’t recognize him. Tim says, “I’m here for the picture.” And Gene took Tim, let him into the projection room. And so, Conway with his mind sitting there for about 10 minutes and finally walked out while we’re having dinner and says, “I got the first roll of film on.
The picture will be ready in about Carson doesn’t even need to ask a question. He already has the perfect Tim Conway story ready. That’s the sign of a rare kind of comedian. Someone who is funny even when there’s no audience. Simply because there’s always one more bit running in his head. [applause] I uh I wasn’t going to come out all evening that night.
I felt uh what the heck, it was a lot better in there than going out and eating with Harvey. That was a weird night. The The man actually said, “Are you here for the picture?” And I said, “Yes.” And he put me right in the projection room. And you sat there. Yeah. Well, I didn’t know whether that’s where you wanted me or not.
And I said, “The first roll is on. I’ll have it rolling.” Yeah. Look, I’ve been doing this show now at the end of this Hearing Tim tell it, the funniest part is that he doesn’t even treat it like some great prank. It was just a normal night, an empty room, and an opportunity too good to waste on behaving normally.
We have an anniversary show coming up. We’re starting our 16th year. Mhm. You have never been on this show. That’s true. And I I know we have asked you before. Well, you know, I didn’t know you did this. You know, uh We uh [applause] No, that’s true.
Now, we’ve known each other what, 4 or 5 years and you have never said what you do, you know, so uh Uh I just figured you know, and I never asked you, so I figured whenever I came over to the house you just wanted people in the business coming over there eating and running films and things, so I just that’s uh But uh they mentioned it the other day that this is what you do for a living.
This is what I do for a living. Yeah, got a band and everything. This is chemistry you can’t fake through booking. They had known each other off camera long enough for Tim to make his first appearance in 15 years and behave like he had simply stopped by Johnny’s house for dinner. Uh for what? Well, I thought you knew something about my private life.
No, no. Yeah, that was a It’s always exciting for me to be even connected with the Emmys. I think it’s a great organization and I’m very excited about winning that award and my salary hasn’t even doubled yet. Nothing happened? Nothing has happened. I saw Korman. Korman got up. It was He started He tried to start a uh and tried to get a standing ovation going.
Yeah, it didn’t go too well, did it? No, he was the only one. Yeah. Harvey stood up and you looked out and nobody There was Korman and finally Harvey sits down and Yeah, he’s embarrassing. Uh just before I went on the director Bill Carruthers who I thought did a sensational job at the Emmys, he said, “We are really running long.
” He said, “Don’t go out there and horse around. Just go out and say thank you.” And I said, “Okay.” Uh they didn’t realize they were talking to the wrong fellow, I guess. And I just happened to have that telegram with me and so I thought I’d kind of read it cuz I thought it was important to me. Wasn’t that from Angie’s Pitching Putt? Angie’s Pitching Putt, yeah.
Tarzana Pitching Putt, yeah. Yeah. And I also gave I have a friend Ernie Anderson that I’ve known for about 16 or 17 years from Cleveland and I gave that was his telephone number I gave. Yeah. Cuz he said, “Mention me if you win.” So, I thought that would be the best way. That was a real number? Yeah, real number.
Yeah, he’s still getting calls. Incidentally, if you didn’t get that number it is a Tim had a way of making anything formal feel slightly dangerous. Put a microphone in his hands at a major award show and suddenly it feels like somebody accidentally handed live television to a prankster. Um but No, and those are the only children I had play with you.
I had no brothers or sisters, yeah. We had a school play as like I was, you know, doing the I uh you know, I had a funny thing. I used to get physically ill uh whenever I appeared in front of people. And as a matter of fact, um on the the first time I did the Garry Moore Show, what was what was the other guy’s name that was with Garry? Durward Kirby? Durward Kirby.
I actually uh before going on uh did something on Durward that he has never forgotten. Because uh I when they would and it would only I would get very nervous before show and then when they would mention my name, it started in football. They would say uh number 21, here he is uh right guard, whatever, uh Tim Conway or Tom Conway.
And I would actually get sick. I’d just go over to the fence and get ill. So uh then they stopped giving my name because they thought that was the problem. Number 48, I went to the number. And uh it got so I would even do it on the number. So uh Uh There are I know people like that. forgotten about Excuse me, but I had forgotten it.
But I really was not going to get into the business because of that. That’s interesting. I know a lot of people who um who are performers now who uh found it excruciating to appear in front of people. Did you get the feeling that people everybody all the attention was on you when it really isn’t? You know that about being self-conscious.
People aren’t really concerned they’re concerned about themselves. Uh-huh. But people who are self-conscious think all the attention I am then. Yeah, that must be it because that that and I thought you overcome that? Well, um A I I told this to a guy and he said, “Why don’t you go to a doctor and uh he’ll you know, straighten it out for you.
” And uh the doctor said that he talked to my wife and he said, “What you should do is uh occupy his mind before he goes on.” So uh I went to one show and I noticed that she was talking a lot and kept saying, you know, and but she was telling me about a lot of bills that we’d run up. And I actually got sick about the bills that we were running up.
Did it hang on your way? I don’t know. It just kind of went away and it went away once and then I never had it again. Looking back, it’s strange. One of the calmest faces comedy ever had once struggled just to have his name called in front of a crowd. Stories like that turn a legend back into an ordinary person. Loneliness.
Yeah. But fortunately a lot of people ask me over for dinners and things like that. Kind of occupies my mind. But you have a large family. Six. Is it that many? Six. Yeah, I guess I guess it’s six. I don’t Well, they’re not brought to me till they’re 10. So. [applause and cheering] That’s how those are bad news.
So, I’ve only seen three of them. But there are there are other little ones running around the house. I noticed that. Six of Yeah. What’s that? Big family. Yeah. Well, I can’t sing or dance and obviously with six kids I have no sense of rhythm, but [applause] He um No, I I love my I am the best father in the valley. I have Yeah, I really am.
I I live for my kids. I really do. I I didn’t care too much for the early years. I mean but I I got right in there, boy. I I went through the diaper thing in the uh toilet there and everything and uh And putting them in the carrier. Yeah, yeah. I was real cro- close with a Roto-Rooter man for about oh four or five years there.
No, but I I I grew up with them because in this business, you know, you have a lot of time during the summer and everything and they they’re very fond of me, I think. I hope. You know, cuz when I go to the old actors’ home, I want them to come out on Sunday and Don’t we all? Yeah. You know, do something. Put you out there in the sun, put a little blanket around them.
Tim talks about family with the exact same deadpan that used to destroy Harvey Korman on stage. He never has to raise his voice. He just holds that face long enough for normal life to start sounding suspicious. Yeah, we have a hold on the suite over there. Uh, how long have you known Korman? Oh, I would say 10 or 11 years, yeah.
So, you get to him easier than he gets to you. You can break him up. Harvey’s a in pretty easy break up. Uh, yeah. At least for you. Well, that started kind of uh we were in the dressing room one day uh during the Burnett show and uh he had on a chicken outfit with uh red stockings and big chicken feet and feathers.
Was he in a sketch or just came he just come in from home. I just wanted to You never know. You know, that’s true. With powerful people, yeah. Uh, and he had a big beak on that in order to talk he had to pull it open like this and uh I was dressed as an Avon lady and uh I had on a dress and uh the wig and the pearls and everything and these uh and the pantyhose and everything and he had had a personal problem which he was trying to talk to me about and he said, “Gee, I don’t know what to do.
” and he was pacing up and down with these uh this chicken thing on and talking like that and he goes, “You know, if I don’t find a solution to this thing and uh and I was sitting there listening to him and I said uh “You know, would it be better if we got out of these outfits uh I just can’t lock into this thing, you and uh talking to a chicken lips and uh that kind of got to him and we went out to do the sketch and we never got through it because he just couldn’t uh visualize these two guys
trying to be serious in these outfits and uh ever since then it was kind of a an easy target. Yeah, you can just give him a little uh a little wink and a little bet going that if I could break him up he’d give me 50 and if I he could break me up he’d give me 50 and he put uh three of my kids through school.
Yes, you have. [applause] [applause] You’ve done some some great sketches on Carol show over the years. The dentist sketch, you know, there there are millions sketches you do. What’s your favorite? I think as strange as it may seem, the dentist sketch. Yeah, that kind of all came out of spontaneity really because uh uh we knew I knew I was going to do that with a hypodermic needle in my hand.
But when that got rolling, then I went for the head and the leg and everything else and just stayed out there cuz I saw Harvey was in pain, too, and I loved him to be in pain. And so we just just went with it. And I think uh it was one of those nights when people were laughing. You’re brilliant when you’re working.
You really are. This is almost the essence of Tim Conway in one story. Somebody else tries to stay serious and he only needs to spot one tiny crack to break it open. Once Harvey starts losing it, Tim knows exactly how long to stay there. You mentioned your special. Now you must have something to say about it.
You just didn’t come here to to listen to our band. I know that. I haven’t asked you anything about this. I did. Uh no, all these specials on Well, you said it’s on Saturday night and uh it’s Jonathan Winters whom um and Bernadette Peters and the Marquee Chimps. I wanted to get somebody for Jonathan to work with.
And um strange may I think Johnny is is funny on this as I’ve seen him in a long time because we just had a sketch where we let him go. I was a uh drill instructor in the Marines and he was a private and the only setup I gave him was uh you’re going to put together an M1 rifle and I’m going to stay on you until you get this thing together.
And that was the premise of the sketch and he just fractured me. I mean, he came Well, you know, Well, as we all know and know Johnny when When he gets going and he did, he just uh came up with Hearing Tim describe giving Jonathan a premise and simply letting him run tells you how much comedy from that era trusted the performer.
Sometimes the best plan really was to put two crazy people in the same room and get out of the way. Eight. Robin Williams turns the Tonight Show into a storm. One of our more serious actors. Yes. OLIVIER, YO. YO. NEVER BECOME ATTACHED TO A HOUSE. AND THE JUDGE SAID, “ALL THE MONEY. AND WE’LL JUST SHORTEN IT TO ALIMONY FOR THE PEOPLE AT HOME.
Divorce from the old Latin word divorcer meaning having your genitals torn OUT THROUGH YOUR WALLET. WOW. WOW. THAT’S FROM THE LATIN. I DIDN’T CARSON HAS just introduced a Robin Williams being praised for serious acting. And the man who sits down is immediately the familiar storm. With Robin, the line between prestige and chaos barely seems to exist.
Good for you. Well, it’s nice to see you doing that real Simple stuff again. Yeah, you know, that real heavy drama show is kept you, you know, Doing that Shakespeare stuff. You think about Shakespeare, you think about a man basically with the education second grade education wrote some of the greatest poetry of all times.
I think maybe not. Wandering around Stratford after a couple of beers knocking on doors going I JUST TO BE OR NOT TO BE. I’M WITH YOU SHAKESPEARE, RIGHT? KISS MY TIGHTS. DID YOU EVER DO ANY SHAKESPEARE? YOU DID WAITING YOU DID WAITING for Godot? I did Waiting for Godot. I did Shakespeare.
I’ve It’s exciting to wear tights and have people go, “I can’t see anything.” HE DON’T KNOW HE HAVE. SOMEONE GIVE HIM A DAGGER. Robin could genuinely love Shakespeare and still turn it into a playground in the same breath. That was the kind of energy Carson never needed to control. He only had to ask another question and watch Robin run.
That is the winter of our discontent. Aye, LET IT BREATHE. DO YOU EVER PICTURE DIFFERENT people playing Hamlet say “To be or not to be” like Stallone? Oh, Stallone. Mel Gibson just did Hamlet, pretty good I hear. I was wonderful I hear. It’s like great to hear, right? With Stallone I could Stallone you could feel like “To be or what?” You know.
Schwarzenegger walks into the room, “I’m back. Watch out Denmark.” “Mother, come here. I love you. Big kiss for you. Sorry, you’re dead. Look over here. I’m going to do another speech, but first, I’m going to tear through a wall and flex my nipples. One of the great pleasures of watching Robin is the sense that any famous person can suddenly appear in his head without warning.
The studio becomes an entire casting room controlled by one man. [applause] Oh, Nicholson, you can think of him Yeah, Nicholson. He’d be a great Hamlet, just like neither a borrower nor a lender be. And the t-shirts keep for thine self. These are obscure references, but we must We throw them in just to keep the audience Shakespeare said, was it not him that said, “Kill all the lawyers first?” But of course, there were no agents then.
That’s right. WHO KNEW? WHO KNEW? 10%. MY MY LORD, MUST GIVE UP THAT CHECK FOR NOT FEELING THIS. Robin doesn’t really change subjects. He slides from one world into another. In a few seconds, literature, Hollywood, and show business all blend together like his brain has no doors between rooms.
Copy of the uh letter that George Bush wrote to Saddam Hussein. Oh, yes. We were wondering when that was. You had it. Can you [cheering] can you reveal without without affecting national security? Well, why they found this offensive, it starts off, “Dear oil sucker.” I DON’T KNOW. I’M THAT’S AN OLD JOKE.
AND THAT THAT MAN’S NAME, TARIQ AZIZ, doesn’t it feel like they should have a little thing he’s saying, like, “We want peace.” And underneath it says, “He’s lying.” IT’S JOE ISUZU. YOU WANT TO THINK ABOUT THE WHOLE THING THOUGH, YOU BASICALLY YOU want to solve problems in the Middle East, you send John Gotti.
He goes, “Saddam, how you doing, babe? Okay, here’s the deal. You get out of Kuwait, I give YOU JERSEY. OKAY? BINGO, HE’S OUT THE NEXT DAMN DAY. ALL OF A SUDDEN, WOW, THINGS START HAPPENING. MINGLE, MINGLE, MINGLE. AND I KNOW THAT THEY’VE GOT QUAIL locked up in some back room going, “Okay, let’s go over IT AGAIN, OKAY?” [applause] OKAY, READY? OKAY, HERE WE GO.
LET’S GO OVER IT ONE TIME, YOU OKAY? ASSAD, you did. Okay, try it again. I SEE. WHAT DID HE SAY? NO, TRY IT AGAIN. ASSAD, YOU DID. NO, TRY IT ONE MORE TIME. HUSSEIN, NOBODY. OKAY, TRY IT AGAIN. GADDAFI, GOD BLESS YOU. KNOCK IT OFF. THIS IS SOMETHING LATE NIGHT used to do very differently. The evening news could end, Robin could walk out, and the entire political world could melt into one shared hallucination.
Carson just sits there and let’s current events dissolve in front of him. That I’m writing that down. It’s a little frightening. Can I ask you a one serious question all tonight? Oh, one one serious question. When you’re doing the thing like you you’re and you first of all, you’re a good actor. You’re really A MARVEL SAY.
[applause and cheering] OH, SHUT UP. BUT IT’S SO NICE. GOD BLESS YOU. I’VE BEEN NOMINATED TWICE. IT’S SO NICE TO WATCH SOMEBODY else win. And they read the name and they go, “And the winner for best actor is someone other than you.” And you sit there and they keep the camera on and you’re supposed to go like, “I’m so happy.
” It’s Wouldn’t it be nice if you could be really truthful and go Robin always noticed the strange machinery behind Hollywood rituals everyone else had accepted as normal. In one moment, an award show suddenly looks like another performance nobody is allowed to refuse. This has to do with what we’re doing right now.
Okay. You’re a serious actor. You’re you’re in a serious scene. I know how you work. Cuz your your mind gets going in stream of conscious and you start firing. When you’re in those scenes that you ever get to the point where all of a sudden you’re saying, “Hey, this is there’s no laughs here.
” and you want to veer off and go into the comedy thing? There’s sometimes. I mean It was weird in this movie. I was working with Robert De Niro who is obviously a whole other style. Yeah, of course. I think it’s like Bob is not a funny guy. I think Nostradamus said when they meet that will be the end. I mean he’s a different style.
You know, it’s like how you doing, Bob? Huh? What? And it’s You’re afraid if you look at him the wrong way, it’s like, “HEY, BOB.” I MEAN you have to kind of you find a way of dealing with it, but there’s sometimes where you have to break the mood because we’re working in a mental hospital for 5 months in Brooklyn and every day you’d walk in there’d be a little guy staring there’d be like it is, you know, there’s a lot of doors and only five keys.
You’d be there and you’d walk past and there’d be a guy waiting at the window going, “DO I LOOK NUTS TO YOU? DO I LOOK NUTS TO YOU? DO I LOOK CRAZY TO YOU?” AND THEN YOU REALIZE IT WAS ONE OF THE DOCTORS. THIS IS THE BEGINNING. SO, YOU’RE WALKING INTO THIS environment and you We were working in this place and it was it was an it was an I guess a hospital with a bottom two floors were still real patients.
Yeah. And we used a lot of real patients. We used, you know, Penny was using schizophrenics and Yeah. Tourette’s patients. And it was weird thing the schizophrenics she would ask she would direct them and everything was fine until the moment when they said, “It’s time now. We’re going to have to because someone’s talking in front of you.
We want you to talk but not say anything.” And all of a sudden you saw them look like Robin talks about Awakenings and De Niro. But the most fascinating part is the feeling of two completely opposite energies having to exist on the same set. One disappears into the character. The other almost seems incapable of ever stopping the broadcast.
But there are times when no, you have to break up, but there’s other times where you can’t. It’s Did you ever meet Did you ever meet the doctor that you’re playing in here? Oh, yeah. He’s wonderful. Oliver Sacks. He wrote this book Awakenings and he wrote another book called The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat which those of you who drink a lot are going, “I know that.
” That’s right. He wore a pair of shorts one night, too. And he wrote these wonderful books basically about different aspects of the brain and in this he he was there every day. Yeah. He’s an amazing man. He’s about 6’4″. He’s like a combination of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Albert Schweitzer.
He also looks like Santa Claus cuz he’s got this big beard and usually there’s food in it that he’s forgotten is there. Oh, oh good. I forgot that. Tasty. Tasty. And he’s this very The amazing thing is big as he is and as strong as he is, he’s this very gentle and compassionate man who is brilliant, who is he examines he called these people who basically have been in a comatose state for 30 years and many of us are going, “Oh, that’s Ronald Reagan.
” But no, I I think that’s it’s he’s wrote about them from the point of view of that basically they’re explorers. He said that they came from this they’re in another state. They’re exploring another dimension of thought. And of course in the play you played the doctor who was aware that there are people inside there and then just over period of time start to come out of there.
Yeah. They Through this he he basically isolated that they suffered from this one sort of called encephalitis lethargica which is encephalitis is a brain virus and this is a specific one that after the initial outbreak which went through Europe and America and killed many people but many people who survived had a dormancy period and about 5 years later they all of a sudden would start to freeze up and go into this like statue state.
It would be latent that long and then Yeah. And it would have a dormancy period and then it would come back and then he woke them up basically with this drug that they use for Parkinson’s patients which is it was a miracle and he said for that summer it was an amazing thing to see them. He has documented footage of these people who hadn’t moved in a long time and the next thing you see them and they’re they’re like this.
When the conversation turns to Oliver Sacks and the real patients Robin visibly softens. But even in the most serious place he still finds a tiny opening for laughter not to break the emotion but almost to let the room keep breathing. Looking back, what stays with you isn’t just the punchlines.
It’s the feeling that a real studio could actually drift off course. A host was good enough not to pull it back too soon, and the guests were big enough to turn chaos into memory. If you miss when late night could feel like that, like, subscribe, turn on notifications, and tell us which moment you’d love to see again.
