FAMILY MURDER?.. Grandpa Missing 43 Years

Family Murder or Tragic Accident? New Search Reopens 43-Year-Old Disappearance of Long Island Grandfather

WESTHAMPTON BEACH, N.Y. — For more than four decades, the disappearance of Thomas Privitera has lingered like an open wound in one Long Island family. Was the 79-year-old grandfather the victim of a tragic winter accident — or was he lured out, robbed, and killed by people he trusted most?

In early 1981, Privitera vanished while driving home through Westhampton Beach. He never arrived. His car — a large, bronze-colored 1971 Oldsmobile Delta 88 — was never found. Neither was his body. Now, 43 years later, a team of civilian search-and-recovery divers has returned to the area, hoping modern sonar technology can finally bring answers.

“This case is about closure,” said one member of the search team as they launched their boat into another shallow Long Island waterway. “Whether it’s an accident or something darker, families deserve the truth.”

A Cold Night in 1981

According to family accounts and police records, Thomas Privitera was last seen around 7:30 p.m. on Steuart Avenue in Westhampton Beach. It was December, and the temperature hovered near 20 degrees. Roads were icy, visibility was poor, and Privitera — who hated driving at night — was already out later than usual.

He had two possible routes home. The main highway was well-lit and dry, but it had no bodies of water nearby. The back roads, however, were narrow, dark, and lined with ponds, rivers, and marshes.

“He never liked night driving,” recalled his grandson, Bob Privitera, who was just 10 years old at the time. “He always wanted to be home before sundown. That’s one of the things that never made sense.”

When Privitera failed to return home, family members searched desperately. His son — Bob’s father — spent years revisiting old roads, ponds, and waterways, convinced his father had either crashed into water or met with foul play.

Lingering Suspicions Within the Family

From the beginning, the family was divided over what might have happened.

One theory was accidental: an elderly man driving a massive rear-wheel-drive car on icy roads could easily have slid off a dark back road and into a pond or river. At the time, search efforts were limited by poor visibility, crude sonar, and incomplete mapping of local waterways.

But another theory has never gone away.

Bob Privitera believes his grandfather may have been lured out that night by relatives who depended on him financially. According to Bob, his grandfather was frugal to a fault — but he carried cash everywhere, hiding money in his pockets, car, and home.

“After he disappeared, we found money everywhere,” Bob said. “In the attic, in the walls, under rugs, even hidden in dishes. Coffee cans full of cash. He didn’t trust banks.”

Bob says his father was convinced that two aunts and one aunt’s boyfriend may have set him up — calling him for help or food, then robbing him. If something went wrong, Bob believes, they may have panicked.

“My father believed it until the day he died,” Bob said quietly. “That it was family.”

Civilian Divers Take the Case

With official investigations long dormant, Bob turned to a growing phenomenon in missing-person cases: civilian dive teams that specialize in cold cases.

These volunteer groups — often made up of former law enforcement, military veterans, and sonar experts — travel across the country at their own expense. Using modern side-scan sonar, magnetometers, and years of experience, they search places that were once impossible to thoroughly examine.

“We’re not here to accuse anyone,” one diver explained. “We’re here to clear locations — to say definitively, ‘He’s not here.’ That alone can bring peace.”

Over several days, the team systematically searched ponds, rivers, sand pits, marshes, and former ice-harvesting lakes across Westhampton, Riverhead, Wildwood, and Mastic Beach. Some of the locations were suggested by police records. Others came from family memories — places Bob remembered visiting with his father during desperate searches decades ago.

The Challenge of Finding a Missing Car

One key problem quickly became clear: hiding a car as large as an Oldsmobile Delta 88 is far more difficult than many people assume.

“That’s a massive vehicle,” one diver said, pointing to sonar images. “In shallow water, you’ll always see something — tires, frame, shadow. Even if the roof rusts away, the footprint stays.”

Again and again, sonar hits that initially looked suspicious turned out to be rocks, old boats, docks, or tires dumped decades ago. Many waterways were simply too shallow — some only three to five feet deep — to conceal a full-size sedan.

In several locations, the team was able to confidently rule out the possibility that a car had ever been submerged there.

“That’s important,” the diver told Bob. “Now when you drive by here, you know — there’s nothing there.”

Psychic Clues and Unanswered Questions

One unusual detail has haunted the family for years. In 2022, a relative visited a psychic who claimed Thomas Privitera was in water behind a former Sears store in Riverhead.

The search team did not dismiss the tip outright, but treated it as they would any other lead — by checking the water.

Behind the former Sears location, sonar again revealed shallow depths and a clean bottom. No vehicle-sized anomalies appeared.

“I don’t really believe in psychics,” Bob admitted. “But when you’ve waited 40 years, you don’t ignore anything.”

Accident or Murder?

By the end of the search, dozens of locations had been cleared. No car. No remains.

The results complicated both theories.

On one hand, the lack of a submerged vehicle in so many logical locations makes an accidental water entry less certain. On the other hand, disposing of a car without detection — whether by chopping it up or scrapping it — would have required planning, resources, and silence from everyone involved.

“In the old days, scrapyards asked fewer questions,” one diver noted. “But someone would still remember a big car showing up.”

Bob himself remains torn.

“I want it to be an accident,” he said. “I don’t want it to be a family issue. But my gut tells me something happened.”

A Case Still Waiting for Answers

Today, nearly everyone connected to the case is gone. Bob’s father has passed away. His aunts and their partners are deceased. Even if evidence of foul play surfaced, there would be no prosecution.

Still, Bob hopes for one thing above all else.

“I just want to bury him with my grandmother,” he said. “That’s it. After all this time, that’s enough.”

The search team says they are not finished. New locations may be identified. Old maps may reveal forgotten access points. And advances in sonar continue to improve every year.

“For families who’ve waited this long,” one diver said, “hope doesn’t disappear. It just changes shape.”

Forty-three years after Thomas Privitera vanished into the cold Long Island night, the mystery remains unsolved — but it is no longer forgotten.